I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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