Duck Duck Cougar?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
