If that was your dad, he is hot
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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