Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
