You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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