I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
