At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
