you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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