there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
