I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
