you have to choose: penises or morals?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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