that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
