Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
