Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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