We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The air was thick with penises
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
