I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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