Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
