i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
