Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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