3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just invented taco cereal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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