apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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