I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
