I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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