It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
