and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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