so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
