when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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