and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
