Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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