My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
