i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
