why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no, he came in my armpit
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
