SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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