She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
