omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
