some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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