awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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