Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ugly people sure do ruin things
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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