can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
