he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
