Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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