So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
