If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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