Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
