Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize