Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
