I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
