you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
