Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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