Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
