so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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