True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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