The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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