I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
