Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
