Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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