Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my poor anus
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
