There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
