let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
