Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
