its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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