1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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