Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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