Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
