I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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