am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
