She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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