were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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