We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
