Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Drake has all the answers
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
