Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
