I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
