Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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