he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
