I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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