Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You made out with two different species that night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
