the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
