have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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